Parenting in the Social Media age

Parents seem to shrivel at the thought of checking up on their children via social media. For those that embrace the ability to engage your child’s social media presence, this can lead to a dilemma like no other and a breakdown in the personal relationship with your child if not done correctly.

The last thing a child wants is their parents to be a part of their social network simply for the ability to check up on them.

For some parents it seems that the biggest challenge is simply allowing their child to have a social media account, but in today’s society that power is rapidly fading away. The new challenge is to overcome your fear while learning to embrace and interact with your child through social media. This is a revolutionary time where children are being exposed to knowledge at an earlier age than ever before all through the power of social media. This is a scary thought for most parents who grew up in a time where mom and dad had a handle on just about everything in the household. 

So how do parents and children bridge this ever growing gap to form a social media convergence between the two?

Dr. Gwenn O’Keeffe, a well-known author and pediatrician points out several key issues for parents trying to relate to their digitally savvy children. For starters she states that parents may lack the basic understanding of the new forms of socialization, which are now incorporated into their child’s life. Parents also tend to not have the technical abilities or time to keep pace with their children in the ever changing Internet. Also, parents lack the basic understanding that a child’s online life is simply an extension of their offline life. O’Keefe’s point in all this is that the end result often leads to a knowledge and technical skill gap between the parents and youth, which creates a disconnection on how the parent and child participate in the online world together (O'Keeffe et al. 2011).

Parents simply do not have a choice anymore. Social media is not fad like those skinny jeans you despise your child wearing, it’s a part of their daily lives and culture that is here it stay.

In fact the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has gone on record to acknowledge that there is a role for the Internet and social media in the lives of teens.  They say that Websites like Facebook allow them to share common interests, participate in fundraising efforts, expand their artistic or musical creativity, and foster their own identity (Sloviter 2011).

One would think that these are things a parent would want their child to engage in, but there is still the unknown that a parents mind goes to when they think of their child engaging with others on the internet.

Most experts seem to agree that there is no way to tell what kind of impact routine use of social media will have on children as they become adults. In fact in a recent interview Dr. Donald Shifrin, a Washington based pediatrician goes to the extent of saying that social media is “a great uncontrolled experiment on our children” (Brunk 2011).

This is can be an uneasy feeling for parents to accept. Your children are basically lab rats in the digital revolution that continues to change daily.

If that doesn’t scare parents enough to get involved and open up to their children about social media then what else is there and how much blame are you willing to accept when things go wrong?

O’Keeffe describes Facebook as “neighborhood hangout,” which can be ok if they get online in an age-appropriate way, but also notes that you don’t want your 10 year-old hanging out there because they don’t have the social skills to do any good. However, as a parent she believes that by helping them get online in an age-appropriate way, they can learn how to interact better online than some adults and be a powerful learning tool. “I have a theory that cyberbullying and sexting is partly our fault as adults because we’re still catching up to the digital world, and we’ve never really taught kids how to us it well. It’s kind of like putting them in a car without teaching them to drive. So it’s no wonder mistakes have happened,” O’Keeffe said (Brunk 2011).

I don’t believe there has ever been an easy time to be a parent, but today the challenge has been heightened to an all new level. The unknown is frightening to a parent, especially when they feel they have no control over the situation. It’s tough to say what cognitive skills our children will lack to develop from this new way of life, but maybe they will gain new ones that lead to world changing events. A bit optimistic yes, but again we just don’t know.

For now all we can do as parents and role models is to take the make a conscience effort to educate ourselves first, and then our children about social media. There are amazing benefits to having an open and honest relationship with your child both online and face to face.

If you are one of those parents that knows absolutely nothing about social media its ok, don’t be intimidated by the fact that your child might actually be smarter than you at something. Instead, embrace the opportunity to sit and learn something from your child. Don’t ever be afraid to ask questions from them about the ins and outs of social media. If you don’t have one already, have your child walk you through setting up your own Facebook account. Then be sure to friend each other so that the two of you can stay up on each other’s online life.

This is also a good opportunity to educate your child on moral values and the risks involved with putting it all out there. There is no such thing as privacy once you join the social media revolution and your child needs to understand the full ramifications of this. You should have an understanding with your child that it’s ok to monitor their site from time to time. You don’t want to be one of those parents who finds out your child is emotionally distressed, or going through rough times through a friend who saw it on their Facebook page. Be informed!

Parents must come to the realization that life is no longer a private affair. Everyone has a story and is willing to share it with their social network. This can be a beautiful thing if the stories and lessons passed are made useful when shared to the world.

Reference List

O'Keeffe , Gwenn, and Kathleen Clarke-Pearson. "The Impact of Social Media on Children, Adolescents, and Families." American Academy of Pediatrics. 127. no. 4 (2011): 800-804. http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/127/4/800.full (accessed November 7, 2012).

Sloviter, Vikki. 2011. “Diagnosis: Social Media Syndrome.” Pediatrics For Parents 27, no. 5/6: 30. MasterFile Premier, EBSCOhost (accessed November 7, 2012)

Brunk, Doug. "Social media confuses, concerns parents."Pediatric News. 45. no. 2 (2011): 1. http://go.galegroup.com.ezproxy.proxy.library.oregonstate.edu/ps/i.do?action=interpret&id=GALE|A251192009&v=2.1&u=s8405248&it=r&p=HRCA&sw=w&authCount=1 (accessed November 7, 2012).